


Your Life Over Mine

by AemiliaFawn



Series: Malec Drabbles & Oneshots [12]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-31
Updated: 2019-08-31
Packaged: 2020-10-04 06:03:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,743
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20466218
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AemiliaFawn/pseuds/AemiliaFawn
Summary: Growing up as an older brother had taught Alec how to be a protector – someone who would feel privileged to sacrifice himself to keep the ones he loved most safe. Magnus wasn't about to approve of this any time soon.





	Your Life Over Mine

**Your Life Over Mine**

"Hold still, Alexander."  
  
Magnus' voice was void of any affection when he spoke for the first time since they had gotten home - his hands worked with clinical precision but never lingered in one place on Alec's body for too long, as if he didn't want to touch his boyfriend any more than absolutely necessary. It was strange, to have to miss out on Magnus' usual excessive, loving touches, and Alec was left feeling a little bereft as soon as he realized Magnus was purposefully withholding them from him. Alec supposed he had himself to thank for that.

In his defense, he truly had been acting out on what he'd thought had been Magnus' best interest.

The sensation of Magnus' magic seeping into his skin had, through the course of their relationship, become something which Alec had grown familiar with. Though it often felt cool and soothing, like taking a dive into a cool lake on a hot Summer day, it was currently mostly warm and vaguely itchy while it worked on healing the worst of Alec's wounds. It wasn't its usual shade of blue either. It was tinged red, to reflect all the things Magnus was feeling inside.

"I can't believe you were stupid enough to think that you could take on half a dozen demons by yourself," Magnus muttered under his breath, more to himself than to Alec. Alec winced when another stab of pain went through him, and he noticed he was still bleeding in some places. His blood was soaking into the fabric of the armchair Magnus had deposited him on and he wasn't quite sure magic would be enough to get rid of the stains.

It was the sting of Magnus' disapproval, though, which truly hurt.

Magnus had cried over him. The evidence of it was in the smudged eyeliner around his reddened eyes and the barely noticeable twin trails of dried tears on the warlock's flushed cheeks. The sight of it hurt - it hurt more than any of Alec's wounds, and he had a lot of them. Had he not been in this much pain he would have wiped those tear tracks away and said something optimistic and vaguely flirtatious, just to try to take Magnus' mind off things he shouldn't have to worry about.

It had been date night tonight, and it had been wonderful for the majority of it. Magnus had transported them to Berlin by portal and had taken Alec on a long walk past the Berlin wall, which was now called the East Side Gallery, and together they'd looked at the art covering it with their hands firmly clasped together and their lips upturned in wide smiles. A portrait of two kissing male Mundane presidents with the text  _ mein Gott, hilf mir diese tödliche Liebe zu überleben _ _ _ painted beneath it was what had led Magnus into telling Alec all about the history of the place they were in. Alec had thought in that moment that Magnus could be reading him a whole dictionary and he'd still manage to make it sound interesting.

After that, they had dinner and drinks at a nearby beach bar. They'd taken off their shoes and dipped their toes in the sand while they talked about everything and nothing all at once. They'd held hands. They'd been happy.

Demons had come pouring in seemingly out of nowhere and Alec, still being a dutiful Shadowhunter above anything else, had instantly sprung into action. All his life he had focused his training on being a defensive fighter instead of an offensive one – he had two younger siblings and a reckless parabatai to take care of, and it had only seemed right to dedicate himself to the role of protector. Wanting to keep Magnus safe had never been a choice of Alec's making, as it was more of an instinctual drive.

Those he loved, he protected. Easy as that.

Mundanes had gone running around them and chaos had ensued the moment first blood was drawn. Magnus had tried to help him fight the demons off but Alec had just shoved him into the crowd, demanding Magnus would protect the Mundanes as Alec activated his Speed rune, and_ran_ after painstakingly attracting all of the demons' attention onto himself in a successful attempt to lure them far away from his boyfriend and the innocent bystanders surrounding him.

The battle that had ensued had felt like it had gone on forever even though Alec knew it couldn't have lasted over 10 minutes at most. In spite of the fact that Alec had come out victorious and had defeated all the demons by himself by some stroke of luck, by the time Magnus had found him and other Shadowhunters had arrived at the scene Alec was barely standing. He'd been suffering then just as he was suffering now – a few cracked ribs here and there, cuts and bruises all over his body, a throbbing aching head and bleeding hands from excessive use of his bow and arrows. The Head of the Berlin Institute had suspicions someone had been summoning demons in the area, as there could be no other real reason for their sudden appearance, and Alec had wanted to stay to help but his feet had refused to carry him any longer. He had faint recollections of Magnus angrily snapping at the surrounding Shadowhunters to find whomever was doing it before anyone else got hurt before he portalled himself and Alec back home to New York.

And now here they were, date night officially ruined, Alec quietly bleeding on Magnus' furniture, and Magnus sitting there, practically boiling with rage.

"Honestly, for someone as intelligent as you I would have expected -"

"I'm sorry."

The words came out barely audible and incredibly slurred, because Alec's lips were split and swollen and he was pretty sure Magnus was working on fixing his concussion right now. Magnus sent him another dirty look as though Alec had said something offensive, and then he continued healing him. The silence was almost as terrible as Magnus' prior words. Alec fought the need to just grab his jacket and limp his way back to the Institute so he could lick his wounds in the privacy of his own room_. _Perhaps Magnus and Alec had simply grown too comfortable around each other – comfortable enough to let their guards down when they shouldn't, not in this world. Alec partially blamed himself for not having been more alert. Perhaps if he had spent less time admiring the way the setting sun had tinged Magnus' skin orange and had made it seem like he'd been _glowing__, _things would have gone much better and blood wouldn't have been drawn at all. And then Magnus wouldn't have had a single reason to be upset with him.

"Do you have any idea," Magnus then started, breaking the tense silence which had fallen between them once more. Alec knew him well enough to know that if Magnus would stop speaking, he'd start breaking things, "how terrified I was when I was stuck trying to get to you and had to watch from a distance as that demon got his claws in you?" __   
  
Alec didn't know what to say, so he just settled for studying the emotion in Magnus' eyes while the warlock sat kneeling in front of him, hands still glowing with magic. The angry facade was starting to crack around the edges and something fragile was starting to show. Magnus had been scared for him, to the point where it had caused the warlock to break down in public right in front all of those Mundanes. Alec remembered Magnus' frantic screams in the background as he'd been fighting for his life perfectly fine. The thought that it had been Magnus who could get hurt next if Alec wouldn't make it had given Alec enough strength to get away and survive.

"For a brief moment when he tossed you into the Wall, and when you didn't get back up. It felt like I was drowning. I couldn't breathe. I thought you had -" _   
  
_ Magnus stopped talking abruptly like the words themselves physically hurt him. His eyes were full of tears all over again and Alec felt awful. _   
  
_ "Magnus. This is what I  __ do ," Alec softly started as he sat up a little. "I'm a Shadowhunter, I was trained to fight demons and I need to protect you –"

“You need to sit still. I wasn't done healing you.”

Alec's mouth clicked shut again. He knew when to pick his battles. If Magnus had to rant about this, Alec would let him – would patiently hear him out and try his best to soothe Magnus' aches when the warlock was done just as Magnus was doing for him right now. Magnus' face was tense and he was biting his lip as he worked, and when Alec saw the first beads of sweat on his forehead from extortion he took hold of Magnus' trembling hand.

“I can use an iratze now. Thank you, Magnus,” he softly spoke. Magnus didn't answer. He watched Alec activate the healing rune and Alec closed his eyes as that worked the rest of its magic.

“I know you were trained to fight demons, Alexander. You're one of the best,” Magnus stated in a calmer voice. He looked so awfully tired, broken, and Alec didn't know what to do with himself. “I just don't understand why you didn't let me help you. Why you had to put me in a position where I just couldn't get to you like I was some kind of helpless _Mundane_you had to protect. Do you really think I'm that weak? That I can't take care of myself?"_  
  
_"Of course you can take care of yourself. I – that's why I trusted you with that whole crowd of Mundanes. I knew you could protect them because you _are_strong enough.” Alec took a wavering breath and held Magnus' hands firmly within his own while he looked the warlock in the eye. “I just saw it as my job to protect _you__. _Because I knew I wouldn't be able to focus on any Mundane when you were in danger. I wouldn't _care__. _You're all that matters and when the demons got too close... I just didn't want you to get hurt. That's all I could think of at the time."

"You underestimate me. I have been on this earth longer than you have, and I could have -" _   
  
_ "I know that, Magnus. I  _ know _ you could've probably taken them down with a flick of your wrist, I know you can hold your own in a fight - but I didn't stop to consider that, I just acted because I value your life over mine. And if there's even a small chance of you getting hurt then I'm not risking it." _   
  
_ Magnus looked at him with wide, disbelieving eyes - tears threatening to spill around the edges all over again. Alec rested his forehead against Magnus' knuckles, closing his eyes briefly. Maybe it was too soon for Alec to admit such a thing out loud. They hadn't been seeing each other for that long after all, but it was the truth, and Alec didn't think he could ever go back to living a life which Magnus wasn't a part of.  _   
  
_ "But don't you understand that it hurts me when you get hurt? Don't you -" _   
  
_ "Please, don't. Don't tell me my feelings are wrong. All my life, all everyone ever did was make me feel like the things I felt weren't okay. You're supposed to be the one person who accepts me. All of me. Just accept that I'll always want to protect you, because you're important to me, and I can't bear even thinking of a life without you." _   
  
_ Alec could feel Magnus staring into the top of his skull and it made him feel oddly small, even though he was the taller one out of the two. When Magnus cradled Alec's face in his hands and tilted his chin up, Magnus looked at him with nothing but adoration. _   
  
_ "I can't tell you I will ever approve of this. Ever. Alexander, you are so incredibly invaluable to me. I would give my life for you in a heartbeat." Whatever Alec had wanted to say then was silenced by Magnus' index finger pressing against his lips. Magnus continued, "But I will never tell you it's wrong to feel something I do too. As selfish as that may sound. Just promise me something." __   
  
"Anything," Alec instantly said, thinking he'd change the world for Magnus if necessary. Magnus had him wrapped around his little finger and Alec wouldn't have it any other way.

_“_ Let me protect you too – if there's trouble, I want to be there, fighting by your side. And if I'm not around, then always come back home so I can patch you up."

Alec bit his lip. Before Magnus, Alec always had Izzy and Jace and Max to take into consideration, but he had never truly had either one of them ask what Magnus was asking of him right now, because they understood the kind of sacrifices nephilim had to make at times. It was their duty after all.

_ If you truly can't avoid getting hurt, then at least avoid getting killed,  _ was what Magnus asked of him. There were things worse than death, they both knew this, but there would always be hope as long as there was life.

“Okay,” Alec vowed without second thought.

All Alec used to have were reasons to die. He'd die to protect his family, he'd die for the Clave, he'd die for the right cause – his death would have always been a matter of sacrifice, because that was what Shadowhunters were brought up to believe to be a honorable type of death. They were soldiers caught in eternal battle and in war it was inevitable that casualties would follow. Alec's life and overall well-being were secondary as long as everyone else was doing okay.

Magnus had been the one to change all that. He reminded Alec of the fact that Alec was more than just the roles he had to play - more than just a brother or the Head of the Institute or a  _ warrior.  _ He was a human being, one capable of critical thinking and love, an individual, and he mattered because he was loved.

Magnus only gave Alec reasons to live and thrive, and for that Alec would love him endlessly.

When Magnus smiled for him it was like feeling the warmth of the first rays of sunshine on his skin after days of cold rain drenching him through the bone. The warlock wrapped his arms around him tightly, holding him close, and Alec swore he could hear him mumble a soft _“__I'll settle for that then” _ in his neck. Relief flooded Alec's system while his shoulders relaxed again. He had been forgiven.

A tired sigh escaped Alec's mouth.

It had been quite the night.

“You looked really nice tonight, I don't know if I told you that already,” Alec murmured, mindful of the fact that he had probably bled all over his boyfriend's nice clothes too. His words earned him a snort which he couldn't help but find adorable.

"Do you think sweet-talking is going to make me feel better?”

“Maybe,” Alec acquitted. He was left leaning forward when Magnus pulled away again to properly look him in the eye.

“Please, go into detail about how magnificent my hair is and how good I look dressed in silk,” the warlock said very seriously. “You already ruined my make-up so I suppose that's the least you can do.”

The Shadowhunter sighed again.

“Your hair is flawless and you are the most beautiful man I have ever laid eyes on. You could wear a trashbag and make it look like high fashion.”

Magnus preened. Alec fought the need to roll his eyes at him.

“Continue. I think you might be onto something – I _do_believe I am actually feeling a little better about, I don't know, almost losing the man of my dreams because he was stupid enough to think he had to protect someone who has literally survived war, famine and pestilence. Multiple times, mind you, and -”

Alec just shut him up with a kiss.

Next time there was a major battle, he'd be happy to let Magnus stand his own ground. If only to avoid Magnus' wrath afterwards.


End file.
